before :: after

and

i have to make note, without attaching any hidden meaning to this,

(after all, how much trouble have metaphors gotten me into before...)

i have to make note
that this was the easiest shower,
the easiest shaving of my legs i have ever had.

no cuts. no burns, or slippings up of my hand, no missed spots.

and this could perhaps be attributed to the fact that i shaved just two nights ago, and there was little opportunity for anything to grow back.

again--
it follows logically.
of course you shave easiest
if there's nothing there to shave away.

no cuts.
no scars.

...

the telephone calls, the offers for lunch, the looming question i ask myself, if i will cry, and when? ought i to carry some tissues on the off-chance such a swelling catches me by surprise in an inopportune classroom or hallway?

and what will i say
when i dispatch the news?
"hello, remember that friend i've had for all these months? the one i've been talking about, the letter writing and the treasure hunts and the blanket tent building? yes. well it turns out he has no feelings for me whatsoever."

do i announce that?

am i always, will i always be the fool?

if i was wrong about this, if i misguessed what seemed so obvious, what am i to make of whatever else

is thrown at me in the future?

bewilderment. i cannot feel sad until i cease feeling duped. until i cease feeling completely and utterly baffled.

...

think quickly;
whose arms will i run to?

and who will reaffirm me?