before :: after

"well," i said to sean, to frank, to joey, to probably at least one or two more people,

"well, i believe in human tenacity, in the strength we have to bounce back. i believe in my own ability to overcome things, anything, even this..."

i said it, meant it.

followed up with,

"but the thing is, all my life i've been so intuituve. i've really had a handle on what's going on, and been perceptive. now, though, it's a little different. if love, no, romance,

if romance isn't just arbitrary kisses, if love isn't just finding someone palatable, if love isn't just a good person you're not unattracted to, if romance is not all of these things, at least not for me,

and then, if it turns out, that romance is not what has been forming between the two of us all these months,

then i really,
i
i simply do not know what it is,
or where i go from here."

what i tried to put out, what i tried to convey in syllables, tried to let leave my mouth and form in the air, tried to give form to, is

that if i am wrong about this,
then i cannot begin to fathom
how i will go about

picking up the pieces.

or what to believe in.