before :: after

(this is what i do)

i am an enormous weirdo,
and i have no confidence in
myself or my face or my shape,

and i say words when they should dissolve and
i don't say words that need
bold face forward speaking --

i turn boys into art projects
when they disappear

i turn pages in kate chopin and think about the sea,

i shake out my curls and run around the block and poke my sides,
probably swear off ice cream for a day or two,

make a vow to callousness
and pick up my copy of "he's just not that into you" one more time,

re-read old love letters
remind myself of
men i've made crazy, just to know

i could do that once.