before :: after

for me, (i guess)

november will always be sadness,
november will be the only time for kisses, for things i cannot place

and tears welled from a source i can't tap.

either i think the question and don't ask it,
or i ask the question and get no answer.

the feeling and the life drained from me in one instant, the rushes the charge the shaking

fell from my fingertips

i can only anticipate when no one is around.
i can only enjoy when i am solitary.
i can only be happy in possibilities.

i can only feel the nervous tension that comes before a kiss, after it has happened.

i am broken backwards.

in the pause between our eyes closing and lips meeting,
i think about the past.
i think about the future.

in the snuck space of a kiss i am hovering ten feet above my body. i am gone. i am a shell,

and then the color
and then the blood rushes to my face,
but only
when the room is empty.

...

we kissed because we both wanted something. all we had were our secret tirednesses and holes.

we are friends
who put their arms around each other and kiss with the icy winter that hasn't arrived yet.

we just want some semblance of warmth
and we fell into each other out of the blue.

(and blue permeates the whole situation.)