before :: after

so my friend, the one whose feelings towards me i cannot ascertain,

the male living on the first floor, the floor below mine,

my friend and i watched a french film tonight. we've watched movies the past two weekends, only this was the first time we were alone.

and it was dark, but the glow from the screen was enough to see everything perfectly. people don't give dim lighting enough credit.

i could feel him shifting back and forth on the couch, adjusting his position, he's so tall, and i ccould make note of how much higher his point of view was.

then he would slouch, and we both moved in, only i wasn't sure if it was an invitation

to lean my head against his shoulder...

so i didn't, and

it was probably for the best because then i almost started to cry, right in the middle of the film, and it wasn't the sad part, and

i knew that something, maybe even someone else

had been occupying my thoughts for most of the time there.

i wasn't giving off signals because i am not inviting affection.