before :: after

and i sit in a chair, hard wooden, listening

to the same alicia keys song over and over and over and over and

it doesn't make any sense because

there was never anything i had that was mine to lose that isn't still hanging around (here), never some irreplacable fragment of my life that

up and left for good. except for a grandfather. and i can't be mad or sad about that anymore because my feelings stopped working, except

the feeling that feels being alone.