before :: after

and it was in the middle of cutting and gluing my homework assignment together that i realized just how cruel i had been,

just how cold and unsettling it was of me to abandon two of my friends, the two closest friends i'd had all first semester, without explanation.

of course it made sense in my head-- the lack of common interests, the priorities we didn't share, the way the passing of time became more and more difficult, together, and the tension you could feel without cessation.

and in seeing the two of them alone, in the dining room, glaring over at me with a group of others, i realize that i had to get out when i did, but that it was also wrong. the simultaneousness of wrong and right isn't something i've often experienced. this is, this was, it, though.

i'm glad it's over.

but i want to say i'm sorry, and i don't know if i can. i don't know how. it might be that it's been too long now.